Screwdriver to the Cheek

This gem was taped, with small, manually achieved pieces of tape, on to the postcard that Alan sent to me from Japan. I reproduce it here for your cultural enlightenment.
“THIS ITEM IS DESTINED FOR YOUR COUNTRY !!
The sender’s and addressee’s addresses are in opposite position.
It would be greatly appreciated if you could deliver it [...]

That I found online of Alan. It is ostensibly a plug for the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor Language Department. However, one suspects that the Department could have chosen a person whose qualified praise is slightly less scrupulous.
“Studying Japanese is important to me…I guess because I started it in high school. Initially [...]